Sometimes saying 'no' should be the norm
“According to the United Nation's
Department of Public Information, violence against women (VAW) is a major cause
of death and disability for women between the ages of 15 to 44 years across the
world. At least one out of every three women is likely to be beaten, coerced
into sex or otherwise abused in her lifetime. Worldwide, one in five women will
become a victim of rape or attempted rape in her lifetime. More than 80 per
cent of trafficking victims are women.”
Honestly, I don’t think we need
any special data from the United Nations to make us aware that violence against
women is a major issue that definitely calls for attention. It is pretty
similar to how we don’t require statistics to tell us that India has a lot of
poor people. I think the situation is one where we’re even aware of the problem
but don’t take any steps to do away with the same. Violence of any sort,
against any one can be universally thought to not be on side of ‘good things I
should do in my life’. Unless of course, there is some weird kink - but those
are exceptions.
A well known gender-studies
scholar, Hanna Papanek, in ‘To each less than she needs, from each more than
she can : allocations, entitlements, and value’ has addressed ideas about
socially and culturally formed ‘entitlements’ to resource shares and ideas
about socialization for inequality. This may seem like a bit of a deviation,
but stay on.
Gender inequalities do exist. But
what keeps them perpetuated? According to Hanna Papanek, resource allocation
within families or kinship groups (extended families) are closely linked to the
power and authority relations even if it may not be obvious all the time. Any
guesses to who decides how much in patriarchal set-ups? Obviously, the males.
Other important concepts that she
brings up is ‘socialization for inequality’ and ‘compulsory emotions’.
Socialization is the process by which an individual is taught the norms or how
he/she is supposed to behave in society. The primary agents for this is of
course, one’s family. ‘Socialization for inequality’ refers to the way gender
differences are learned (and taught) in a family or a group. ‘Compulsory
emotions’ refer to how one is supposed to feel toward specific other in a
situation or even about themselves. These may be important in socializing women
in accepting inequalities. One of the things that this implies is that women
should expect poor treatment, pain and any other form of subordination.
Most societies are patriarchal in
their authority structure. Specially the one I live in, the Indian society.
Patriarchy is that form of authority structure where only male members have
significant authority or power (which they exercise mostly according to whims
and fancies). Patriarchy inherently entails female subordination.
Let’s say I don’t mind granting them this brilliant position
in the power equation. Since they do have an upper hand in the power-position,
they do get to say no. In fact, since they would be the ones formulating rules,
they have to say no. Of course, at the other end, it is they who tend to
inflict violence on women. But what we must remember is that violence against
women is not a norm. There are a lot of men who could probably never
think of inflicting such violence. But here, it’s not the thought that counts.
Absence of action seems to be striking. Women, feminists (mostly women) are
trying to do their job, voicing their concerns. But shouldn’t the men who are
against such behavior voice their opinions too? If men won’t listen to women,
maybe they would be willing to listen to fellow men?
Empowering women with education, financial independence etc.
is all good. But men need empowerment through a particular education, as well.
They need to know that it is not okay. And they also need their children to
know that it is not okay. As a parent, they can step in at the socialisation
process and just teach them that violence isn’t a done thing. Little girls need
to stop learning to accept that gender-based discrimination and violence has
been a part of society too long, so nothing can change today. Of course, to say
that there will be no violence against women someday is a utopian thought. But
any minor change is a good change. Let’s aim to stop perpetuating that belief
system that violence against women is okay.
This Blog is part of the Men Say No Blogathon, encouraging men to take up action against the violence faced by women.
More entries to the Blogathon can be read at www.mustbol.in/blogathon. Join further conversation on facebook.com/delhiyouth & twitter.com/mustbol
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