"Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You're gonna love it!"

So, I can't say that no one told me life was going to be this way. (Yes, I realise so far this post sounds straight out of Friends, but bear with me. Strange how you can watch the entire series and re-runs, especially that first episode with the wise words I've quoted above and not remember that they did tell you.)

I'm a few months shy of turning 23 years old and graduated from JNU almost 4 months ago with a Master's degree in Sociology. If that is all the information you need to give me an interview call, I'm not sure you exist.

My life currently sucks - I'm guessing I'm living in the (semi) real world. And I'm still in the 'like-like' stage, love is too big a commitment just yet.

April 2015 was easily the most stressful, hectic, exciting, exhausting, exhilarating time of my life so far. I didn't know I could feel all of that together in the span of around 30 days. It was stressful and hectic given that it was the final semester of my Master's degree at JNU. It was exciting and exhilarating because I was going to be done with college and my life was supposed to be full of opportunities to be explored, a chance to explore myself as well and then eventually make it back to the safe confines of a university set-up, when I had figured myself out about 25%. Of course, I was also inching close to my incredible summer abroad (those words make it sound so fancy) - the idea of travel gets me excited beyond belief. Yet, I was being semi-adult about the whole thing. I wanted to make sure my studies were my priority and kept assuring myself that I would have plenty of time for trip-planning. I actually drew up a calendar. This month had a field trip, paper submissions, an interview for a fellowship and finals. Edge-of-the-seat stuff.

April ended. And I had finally made it to the other side. It didn't hit me immediately. Mostly because, as far back as I can remember, I have been part of an education system/institution/organization. And finals are followed by or at least the months of May and June usually mean summer vacation. And that's exactly what I did. I was fairly confident about my chances at the Fellowship. I was also still consulting as a research assistant, part-time. I figured I deserved the month of travelling, chilling in life. Once I start working - that's it. I wouldn't get this time off, of sorts, for a long time. After all, I had briefly considered a gap year after my Bachelor's degree - this was a couple of months. My loving, kind and supportive parents were just that - loving, kind and supportive of me. I'm reasonably smart and did okay in studies and had a Master's degree - it shouldn't be too tough for me to figure my stuff out.

My trip was even better than I imagined. During the trip, I learnt that I didn't get the Fellowship. I figured it was okay and that I would land back in India and start applying left, right and center. Of course, the trip will be covered fully, eventually in the blog. For now, we stick to this rant about my life.

I came back to India around mid-June. Jet lag got the better of me. And I realised that my almost-19-year-old body did exponentially better than my almost-23-year-old body on this account. Further, I had nothing to do immediately. I could sleep in. It was okay. I wasn't in school or college or at work. I had lazy summer days to sleep in. And when I woke up, I could catch up with friends. Of course, we would all discuss the same old - what we had to do and where we could apply. My parents suggested joining some classes, learn some skills while I was taking this time to figure stuff out. Out of all that, the only one that worked out (that too with many initial glitches) was driving lessons. Honestly, the only thing literally moving forward in my life is the car when I drive it, during my lessons. Haven't yet practiced the reverse gear much, just FYI.

Soon, July crept up on me and I realised people around me were starting work or finding out about acceptances to further studies. I was happy for them, genuinely. I hadn't started looking for work full-on and so I couldn't complain much either. The only way in which it affected me was that I knew I had to start waking up earlier and commence the big search. Which was alright. When I was asked what sort of job I was looking for, the strangest thing happened. I realised that I didn't know anymore. Or rather, with every passing day, my horizons broadened - in that, I was no longer specific about a few job types or sectors and I remembered my interest in all sorts of work. Something new I learnt about myself - but it proved problematic. I didn't know what search terms to throw in while looking for vacancies or explaining to people what I wanted.

More than any of that, what really irked me - and still does - is that in all these years, I didn't think of getting any Olympic Gold Medals, acquiring superpowers, curing cancer or having 10 years of expert experience. Silly silly move. Most job descriptions either require you to have additional degrees and minimal experience or maximum experience with your minimal degrees. Its a miracle how people get hired and gain any experience to begin with. But obviously, we have to ignore some of the desired qualifications and apply anyway and hope for the best. The thing is, whenever you tell someone you graduated from JNU, they tell you its only a matter of time before I get a job. But without a placement cell, its hard - no one puts out a list of JNU grads who're looking for work and aren't studying further immediately. So, while it was an honor to study there and I take back with me all sorts of memories and knowledge - seriously, no one knows I'm up for hiring. Except now, if you're reading this...

One of the realisations was that slowly, those who were previously free to talk or meet most of the time, weren't available anymore. Soon, I was pretty much the only one in my circle who was ... free. And sometimes, just that fact makes you want to deliberately keep away. Instead, you watch every TV series you can while your high-speed internet for the month lasts. Don't get me wrong though, I still have work. I'm interning and wrapping up some of my consultancy work. Technically, I'm engaged with some work. However, since all of this is working from home, it doesn't feel like actual work. Funny how I recall being more productive doing silly stuff before exams - like experimenting with curd as a hair conditioner, while procrastinating studying. Oh, those were precious times.

The most awkward conversation is the one with older folk. They mean well - at least, I assume they do. It goes on the lines of:
"Hi Sharmada, how are you?"
"I'm fine, thanks. What about you?"
"Good good. How was your US trip?"
"Wonderful, enjoyed every minute."
"So, how come you're at home or are your timings ... or wait, are you um doing ... anything?"
"I finished up my Master's recently and am now searching for work while I intern."
"Oh oh okay. What subject?"
"Sociology" (Most often, they don't understand this bit)
"Okay okay, is your mom around?"
OR, the response goes, "Don't worry! It takes everyone time. You will get a very good job very soon in a very good place and earn a lot." (I appreciate the sentiment, but let me know where to apply!)

Also, I have had the following conversation twice in the same day with a couple - aunty and uncle, separately. SAME CONVERSATION.
"Hello! Your grandmother told me you have a very good job at a very good place! Congratulations!"
"Um, so that's actually my cousin, not me."
"Oh. Why don't you have a job then?"
I ended up not knowing what to say except, "Soon soon." and slowly stepped away.

Also, "You were in US no? For trip? Why didn't you just find job and stay there?"
Because I wanted to be challenged more by try finding a job in India.

Meanwhile, when the others are actually free to catch up, you hear them complain. They complain about having to attend office but not actually having any work to do. Or not having the time to sleep or breathe. Or about shitty office politics. (I know you guys have your own struggles but I don't get them, at least not right now). All this while you're walking to the bakery near-by to get some chocolate mousse because you can. While you're updating friends that you finally found the jam (Main Tera Boyfriend, Tu Meri Girlfriend) that puts you at ease while driving, and what you discussed with Arif Bhaiya (becoming a khatron ki khiladi) while he made you practice taking U-Turns. While re-arranging your entire cupboard twice in four days but then leaving all the washed clothes all over the house. While having all the time to cook food for yourself but ordering in, anyway. While taking off clothes from drying 5 minutes after putting them out to dry because it just started pouring.

Anyway, take all this in with the right amount of humor and this too shall pass - is what I'm telling myself for now.

Disclaimer:
I know it's going to be okay. At some point. Or I'll marry rich and travel around instead. Writing is one of the ways I know to be free and its easily my favorite outlet. So, I know we all figure out our life at some age and there are people going through far worse than me, but this was just something I wanted to write out. Of course, if you want to reach out to me to tell this was good writing or you can relate to it or that you want to offer me 12 Lakh p.a., I'm fine with it. Also thank you Ma & Appa, for being great about this.