Part II: Sharmada Sivaram, Licensed to Drive (Making It)
We last left off at the beginning of my nightmare.
Mr N was, hands down, the only teacher who scared me within 5 minutes of our first contact. Not unlike a (beloved) Potions Master/Hogwarts Headmaster we all knew :) As a beginner, I was already scared of everyone around me on the road - cars, buses, pedestrians, cyclists, etc.
My first class was at about 7 AM and I reached his office along with Ma, bang on time. As we sat in the car, he took out a piece of paper and started scribbling. It was basically to tell me which gears to be on at what speed more or less, how to change gears, and which feet to press which pedal. Once he explained that, he told me to adjust my seat and the mirrors, fasten my seat belt, and just start.
Everything seemed to be happening in such a daze at first that I had no idea what was expected of me. His gruff, grumpy tone turned me into the super shy, super soft-spoken former self. Soon I was saying sorry every other minute - for almost no reason (some of my friends would argue that this is part of my current self too, which is true). At every step of the way, I was being told what I was doing wrong. This is perhaps a good method of teaching... But frankly, on Day 1 when you're moving a vehicle on the main roads of Delhi where morning school-and-office going traffic was just about beginning - adding intimidation to an overwhelming situation does not help in the least.
After Day 1 ended, I was almost not looking forward to the 6 AM class the next day. Mr N told me that I was doing worse on the Day 2, as compared to the first - reverse gear, figuratively only. Fear had set in, evidently. That day, I practiced driving on our Zen Estilo inside our apartment complex with Ma. The clueless manner in which I was steering the car was not unlike the way I steer my life. They both needed hard work and patience.
But on Day 3, I was doing better than before. It felt like Mr N was trying to find tiny mistakes just so he wouldn't let slip that I had clearly improved a little. He was his usual grumpy self. In fact, when his second student joined us at the end of my hour and began driving towards my house, he called out Mr N on his mood. It surprised me to know that this student had seen better times with him - less grumpy and impatient. Though I'm usually quick to pick up on sarcasm, I was confused.
Day 4 was fairly monumental. My father decided to accompany me on my daily adventure with Mr N. It was a Saturday. I felt more confident than I had been before. I finally felt like I wouldn't care about how my teacher felt and drive anyway. My father was engaging him in small talk about Punjab. Mr N also said a few words of wisdom - which my father repeats to me till today - "Drive a car like you would walk - when walking, you move and adjust automatically, depending on who is walking toward you or along with you, etc."
We picked up the second student and I slipped into the backseat with my father. I was looking for my phone - I usually put it on a very low volume and kept it in a small rucksack. I handed it to the parent accompanying me every morning before slipping into the driver's seat. But that morning, I couldn't find it. I called my phone from Appa's phone and it came switched off or unreachable. We checked under the car seats. We checked around Mr N's office. The only plausible explanation was that it slipped out of the not-completely-secure rucksack before I sat in the driver's seat and someone nicked it.
It seemed unbelievable to me that I had lost a phone. I am usually on high alert about most of my possessions. I'm the person who reminds other people to take their phone with them when they leave home. The phone was less than a year old and my most expensive phone until then. It really hurt to think I was that careless. That incident almost made me resolute to not go back to Mr N to learn driving. Bad things, unexpected things were happening.
I was too shaken to want to go for class the next day and I informed him about it. The week that followed went without any classes. My mother's friends were visiting us and we were taking them to see Agra, Chandigarh, etc. We returned on a Thursday and decided that some time had passed for the wound to heal minutely and I could attend class on Friday. Despite having informed Mr N, on Friday we wasn't even at office at the time we agreed. When we finally managed to reach him, he said he had some work and didn't have a number to contact us on. That was the last straw. My mother saw that I was extremely scared and uncomfortable learning from Mr N. My parents were leaving for some weeks to the United States the next day and Arif Bhaiya, our driver Bhaiya, wouldn't have much work. We finally took him up on his offer to teach me.
Here's the story that Arif Bhaiya told me about how he learnt to drive: He snuck his father's car out early in the mornings and figured out how to drive it. He had seen his friends drive cars. One day, he decided he could drive in the traffic and off he went from Kalu Sarai to Karol Bagh. And that's about it.
Arif Bhaiya was a big proponent of the learn-to-drive-in-traffic and you can drive anywhere school. However, given I had next to zero control of steering and any control and our car didn't have dual controls, we thought it best to test empty roads first. We would basically go to this empty, long, winding road take a some u-turns till we did about an hour's worth of practice and head back. We had setbacks - the days it would rain, Bhaiya would say no to class because he didn't feel I was ready. On a couple of days when I was feeling low about not having got a job I badly wanted, I was super close to crashing into the divider while taking a u turn. The engine would stop SO many time because I would have released the clutch entirely while giving 'race' on first gear at a signal. However, there were times when Bhaiya would urge me to be a khatron ki khiladi and take that right turn despite the car that was bullying me. But soon, I got the hang of it. Soon, I found my jam "Main Tera Boyfriend, Tu Meri Girlfriend" (thus marking my descent from JSTOR to JStar). Arif Bhaiya was a patient and kind teacher. We talked about a lot of random stuff during these classes.
When Appa and Ma returned from the trip - I practiced with either one of them at a given time. Having multiple teachers is bound to get you confused and nervous. Arif Bhaiya would mostly get upset with me for not changing gears when I slowed down. Appa felt I just didn't look at stuff on the right or left or even in front (how I drove then should seem a mystery). Amma felt I was on the fast track, speeding at 20 kmph. Each had separate criticisms. And so, sitting with one teacher at a time made more sense than sitting with more than one.
There was some hiatus in my learning. To get some daily practice in, Ma then decided I would have to go deliver Appa's lunch at peak time traffic on one of the busiest roads every day. I think that was the best practice I could get to get used to Delhi's traffic. Of course, a lot of the times I was just screaming inside the car thinking death wasn't far for either me or the cyclist next to our car. Once, the top part of the gear, the plastic bit, broke off! In the middle of extreme traffic, with trucks and buses merging from the flyover.
In time however, a mutual decision by my teachers and me was made - I was ready to take the test. I was aware of the test they take at the Sheikh Sarai RTO and things they look out for, from various sources. I had to make sure I gave indicators while changing lanes and wore the seat belt. Easy. I had been giving indicators to move a few inches, on occasion. Having practiced on the very road the previous day, I was all in.
Ma and I reached the RTO early, all set for the lines. We paid up the fee at one counter, submitted forms, etc. I was told to proceed for the test. Cars were already parked in a line on the road leading to the Select Citywalk mall, opposite the RTO. Basically, after submitting the form to officers who were going to assess the test, they would let you know that you could bring your car to the second parallel line from where the test would begin.
One person checked my form, asked me what model the car was, and then asked me to proceed. The next person gave me instructions: I was to drive the car, take a u turn at the signal, go ahead, take another u turn, make my way back to this road but park ahead. Only after I parked the car, would my test be over.
I started the car, I gave an indicator to indicate lane changing. However, due to some steering change, in the indicator went off. I stumbled and got it to indicate again, hoping they wouldn't notice. The rest of it went smoothly till I had to park the car - it went semi-smoothly. The sweeper who was cleaning the road was guiding me and told me I was hopeless. Now, the way he said hopeless seemed to indicate that I was without any hope for my future in driving, and not that no one could hope for anything from me. Nonetheless, I was disheartened.
I made my way back to the officers who were declaring results along with names. Turns out I had failed. There were some reasons scribbled on the form but the guy reading it couldn't figure it out. So I asked the other officers. He explained in a kind manner to me that I wasn't wearing footwear and so, they failed me. When I pressed him on why that was a reason, he said that if one's footwear comes under the pedals, it could potentially cause problems and put the car in harm's way. On the form, it was written "Sleeper near to/around to ABC; no right indicate" They told me I could take the test again after a week.
I sat in the car as Ma drove, and the tears were unstoppable. I needed a win. I needed something to go right for me. Nothing had, since June. This was October. Usually, the date 13th has never been bad for me. I was born on Friday the 13th! And yet, October 13th had been a fail.
Coming to my "sleeper": My mom has driven most of her life, bare feet. She had told me it was okay to do that if it made me more at ease. Some others told me that I should wear sandals/footwear but never gave me a reason other than I just should. During my practice, I got used to both - with and without footwear. However, on the day of the test, I wanted everything to go great and to be at ease. And so, last minute, I removed my "sleeper". Sure enough, I had failed before I began.
It took me a little while to get over it. When you realise that people closer to you have a lot bigger problems in life, you learn to let go of tiny non-wins quickly.
A week later, Arif Bhaiya accompanied me to the RTO. The printer had stopped working at the first counter and that led to quite some delay. I had a flight to catch that afternoon and so I was anxious. But after an hour of waiting, almost, things got moving along fast enough. I went to take my test. The signal wasn't working and so the drivers taking their test in front of me were apprehensive of taking the u turn till someone came and told them it was okay to do so. A little while later, it was over. I was told my license would arrive within a week. I treated Arif Bhaiya and myself to some McDonald's. :)
After I returned from Chennai about a week or so later, I took my first solo, non-driving-test drive. It was to JNU. I had the Hanuman Chalisa on YouTube playing repeatedly till I reached and parked the car safely.
While knowing to drive brings a huge amount of responsibility, independence and khatron-k-khiladi-ness into your life, as long as I drive in most parts of Delhi (and India), it will also always be an intense, sensory-overload experience.
Mr N was, hands down, the only teacher who scared me within 5 minutes of our first contact. Not unlike a (beloved) Potions Master/Hogwarts Headmaster we all knew :) As a beginner, I was already scared of everyone around me on the road - cars, buses, pedestrians, cyclists, etc.
My first class was at about 7 AM and I reached his office along with Ma, bang on time. As we sat in the car, he took out a piece of paper and started scribbling. It was basically to tell me which gears to be on at what speed more or less, how to change gears, and which feet to press which pedal. Once he explained that, he told me to adjust my seat and the mirrors, fasten my seat belt, and just start.
Everything seemed to be happening in such a daze at first that I had no idea what was expected of me. His gruff, grumpy tone turned me into the super shy, super soft-spoken former self. Soon I was saying sorry every other minute - for almost no reason (some of my friends would argue that this is part of my current self too, which is true). At every step of the way, I was being told what I was doing wrong. This is perhaps a good method of teaching... But frankly, on Day 1 when you're moving a vehicle on the main roads of Delhi where morning school-and-office going traffic was just about beginning - adding intimidation to an overwhelming situation does not help in the least.
After Day 1 ended, I was almost not looking forward to the 6 AM class the next day. Mr N told me that I was doing worse on the Day 2, as compared to the first - reverse gear, figuratively only. Fear had set in, evidently. That day, I practiced driving on our Zen Estilo inside our apartment complex with Ma. The clueless manner in which I was steering the car was not unlike the way I steer my life. They both needed hard work and patience.
But on Day 3, I was doing better than before. It felt like Mr N was trying to find tiny mistakes just so he wouldn't let slip that I had clearly improved a little. He was his usual grumpy self. In fact, when his second student joined us at the end of my hour and began driving towards my house, he called out Mr N on his mood. It surprised me to know that this student had seen better times with him - less grumpy and impatient. Though I'm usually quick to pick up on sarcasm, I was confused.
Day 4 was fairly monumental. My father decided to accompany me on my daily adventure with Mr N. It was a Saturday. I felt more confident than I had been before. I finally felt like I wouldn't care about how my teacher felt and drive anyway. My father was engaging him in small talk about Punjab. Mr N also said a few words of wisdom - which my father repeats to me till today - "Drive a car like you would walk - when walking, you move and adjust automatically, depending on who is walking toward you or along with you, etc."
We picked up the second student and I slipped into the backseat with my father. I was looking for my phone - I usually put it on a very low volume and kept it in a small rucksack. I handed it to the parent accompanying me every morning before slipping into the driver's seat. But that morning, I couldn't find it. I called my phone from Appa's phone and it came switched off or unreachable. We checked under the car seats. We checked around Mr N's office. The only plausible explanation was that it slipped out of the not-completely-secure rucksack before I sat in the driver's seat and someone nicked it.
It seemed unbelievable to me that I had lost a phone. I am usually on high alert about most of my possessions. I'm the person who reminds other people to take their phone with them when they leave home. The phone was less than a year old and my most expensive phone until then. It really hurt to think I was that careless. That incident almost made me resolute to not go back to Mr N to learn driving. Bad things, unexpected things were happening.
I was too shaken to want to go for class the next day and I informed him about it. The week that followed went without any classes. My mother's friends were visiting us and we were taking them to see Agra, Chandigarh, etc. We returned on a Thursday and decided that some time had passed for the wound to heal minutely and I could attend class on Friday. Despite having informed Mr N, on Friday we wasn't even at office at the time we agreed. When we finally managed to reach him, he said he had some work and didn't have a number to contact us on. That was the last straw. My mother saw that I was extremely scared and uncomfortable learning from Mr N. My parents were leaving for some weeks to the United States the next day and Arif Bhaiya, our driver Bhaiya, wouldn't have much work. We finally took him up on his offer to teach me.
Here's the story that Arif Bhaiya told me about how he learnt to drive: He snuck his father's car out early in the mornings and figured out how to drive it. He had seen his friends drive cars. One day, he decided he could drive in the traffic and off he went from Kalu Sarai to Karol Bagh. And that's about it.
Arif Bhaiya was a big proponent of the learn-to-drive-in-traffic and you can drive anywhere school. However, given I had next to zero control of steering and any control and our car didn't have dual controls, we thought it best to test empty roads first. We would basically go to this empty, long, winding road take a some u-turns till we did about an hour's worth of practice and head back. We had setbacks - the days it would rain, Bhaiya would say no to class because he didn't feel I was ready. On a couple of days when I was feeling low about not having got a job I badly wanted, I was super close to crashing into the divider while taking a u turn. The engine would stop SO many time because I would have released the clutch entirely while giving 'race' on first gear at a signal. However, there were times when Bhaiya would urge me to be a khatron ki khiladi and take that right turn despite the car that was bullying me. But soon, I got the hang of it. Soon, I found my jam "Main Tera Boyfriend, Tu Meri Girlfriend" (thus marking my descent from JSTOR to JStar). Arif Bhaiya was a patient and kind teacher. We talked about a lot of random stuff during these classes.
When Appa and Ma returned from the trip - I practiced with either one of them at a given time. Having multiple teachers is bound to get you confused and nervous. Arif Bhaiya would mostly get upset with me for not changing gears when I slowed down. Appa felt I just didn't look at stuff on the right or left or even in front (how I drove then should seem a mystery). Amma felt I was on the fast track, speeding at 20 kmph. Each had separate criticisms. And so, sitting with one teacher at a time made more sense than sitting with more than one.
There was some hiatus in my learning. To get some daily practice in, Ma then decided I would have to go deliver Appa's lunch at peak time traffic on one of the busiest roads every day. I think that was the best practice I could get to get used to Delhi's traffic. Of course, a lot of the times I was just screaming inside the car thinking death wasn't far for either me or the cyclist next to our car. Once, the top part of the gear, the plastic bit, broke off! In the middle of extreme traffic, with trucks and buses merging from the flyover.
In time however, a mutual decision by my teachers and me was made - I was ready to take the test. I was aware of the test they take at the Sheikh Sarai RTO and things they look out for, from various sources. I had to make sure I gave indicators while changing lanes and wore the seat belt. Easy. I had been giving indicators to move a few inches, on occasion. Having practiced on the very road the previous day, I was all in.
Ma and I reached the RTO early, all set for the lines. We paid up the fee at one counter, submitted forms, etc. I was told to proceed for the test. Cars were already parked in a line on the road leading to the Select Citywalk mall, opposite the RTO. Basically, after submitting the form to officers who were going to assess the test, they would let you know that you could bring your car to the second parallel line from where the test would begin.
One person checked my form, asked me what model the car was, and then asked me to proceed. The next person gave me instructions: I was to drive the car, take a u turn at the signal, go ahead, take another u turn, make my way back to this road but park ahead. Only after I parked the car, would my test be over.
I started the car, I gave an indicator to indicate lane changing. However, due to some steering change, in the indicator went off. I stumbled and got it to indicate again, hoping they wouldn't notice. The rest of it went smoothly till I had to park the car - it went semi-smoothly. The sweeper who was cleaning the road was guiding me and told me I was hopeless. Now, the way he said hopeless seemed to indicate that I was without any hope for my future in driving, and not that no one could hope for anything from me. Nonetheless, I was disheartened.
I made my way back to the officers who were declaring results along with names. Turns out I had failed. There were some reasons scribbled on the form but the guy reading it couldn't figure it out. So I asked the other officers. He explained in a kind manner to me that I wasn't wearing footwear and so, they failed me. When I pressed him on why that was a reason, he said that if one's footwear comes under the pedals, it could potentially cause problems and put the car in harm's way. On the form, it was written "Sleeper near to/around to ABC; no right indicate" They told me I could take the test again after a week.
I sat in the car as Ma drove, and the tears were unstoppable. I needed a win. I needed something to go right for me. Nothing had, since June. This was October. Usually, the date 13th has never been bad for me. I was born on Friday the 13th! And yet, October 13th had been a fail.
Coming to my "sleeper": My mom has driven most of her life, bare feet. She had told me it was okay to do that if it made me more at ease. Some others told me that I should wear sandals/footwear but never gave me a reason other than I just should. During my practice, I got used to both - with and without footwear. However, on the day of the test, I wanted everything to go great and to be at ease. And so, last minute, I removed my "sleeper". Sure enough, I had failed before I began.
It took me a little while to get over it. When you realise that people closer to you have a lot bigger problems in life, you learn to let go of tiny non-wins quickly.
A week later, Arif Bhaiya accompanied me to the RTO. The printer had stopped working at the first counter and that led to quite some delay. I had a flight to catch that afternoon and so I was anxious. But after an hour of waiting, almost, things got moving along fast enough. I went to take my test. The signal wasn't working and so the drivers taking their test in front of me were apprehensive of taking the u turn till someone came and told them it was okay to do so. A little while later, it was over. I was told my license would arrive within a week. I treated Arif Bhaiya and myself to some McDonald's. :)
After I returned from Chennai about a week or so later, I took my first solo, non-driving-test drive. It was to JNU. I had the Hanuman Chalisa on YouTube playing repeatedly till I reached and parked the car safely.
While knowing to drive brings a huge amount of responsibility, independence and khatron-k-khiladi-ness into your life, as long as I drive in most parts of Delhi (and India), it will also always be an intense, sensory-overload experience.
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