"Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You're gonna love it!": Part II

Last August, I wrote a verylong and bitter post. It reflected just how well I was coping with being unemployed, post post-graduation. Recap: Having earned a Master’s degree, I was ready to work a couple of years, gain some hands-on experience and then head to my PhD perhaps, with more clarity of what I wanted to do. Best plan in theory. The execution was iffy, to say the least.

A little while ago, I was travelling, sleep-deprived, jet-lagged and unwell. I took off from work and worked from home. It reminded me of the second half of last year. The underemployment. The odd sleeping hours. The binge watching of TV shows. Reading. General lazing around-ness. Taking an inordinate number of selfies - a mix of being super dressed up (inside the comfort of your home) and sad faces, because you know... sadness. While I had briefly begun missing that phase or rather, I had been fondly reminiscing it through a lens of nostalgia, all because the metro commute and sitting in one place for many hours has been quite an adjustment - I realize now that it's still too early for me to miss it.

I had been very miserable for a huge part of last year. Many of you tried to help. Some of you were in the same place as me. Our conversations were a mix of bitching about the happenings of our lives, which classmates got married, which classmates got a job, and an attempt at hoping for something positive for the future.

My experience with post post-graduation unemployment has led me to identify some phases:

Month I: The exhilaration of having submitted papers, finishing vivas and presentations, taking all finals, once and for all, makes you party. This could be in the form of just chilling or travelling. A bittersweet realization dawns upon you - ‘real life’ is beginning soon enough.

Month II: Tired from the partying/travelling, you catch up on all the sleep lag you may have had all your life up till then, binge watch TV, sleep and repeat.

Month III: Upon noticing your batch mates start their new jobs, you realize that it’s high time you pursue the beginning of the job hunt. Meanwhile, you see status updates about first salaries.

Month IV: This might be the month of the first interview call – really big stuff, perhaps your last month of fun. Also time to learn skills such as driving because hey, you’ll have a job soon enough and won’t have time.

Month V: So the interview results weren’t favorable and you didn’t hear back from other places… It’s alright! You can continue to be bitter and shout at all those loved ones lining up to be nice to you. Maybe take up an unpaid internship while you’re at it.

Month VI: The internship/part-time job doesn’t exactly keep you busy. And so, there is a ton of time for you to meet aunties, uncles, everyone in between, who are vaguely kinda sort related to the field you want to work in. But you also realize that you’ve been an idiot by wasting so much time, enough to slowly lose clarity of what you’re interested in to begin with.

Month VII: Time for amends. Also, time for you to do something that gets you out of the house every day. Somethings in the air – a new found vigor in pursuing that job search.

Month VIII: You’re calmer than before (it’s all relative - incidentally I was meeting a lot of relative, having awkward conversations with uncomfortable questions and unsatisfactory answers). Also, remember that first interview you ever went for? They decided to get you back after all (about a temp job).

I’m hoping this post is less passive-aggressive, less angry than the last. Maybe even funny. But I’m willing to give this a shot. If at any point, I sound preachy – it’s because I’m trying out, on trial-basis, to be a life coach. Heheh. Not. 

In my last post, I mentioned the awkward conversations regarding this liminal status in life. In this post, I will let you in on the broad-spectrum antibiotics... oops, I mean advice you get, from every possible source. Your Ayurvedic doctor to your mother's friend's friend's husband's neighbor. 

Before I go further, and this is not an attempt to be a people pleaser or diplomatic, but I met many people who were really kind to me and were genuinely just trying to help me, for no personal gain (unless of course I seemed to be a sad, annoying negative force and they just needed me to shut up) of their own. Most of them couldn't exactly understand the field I wanted to get into or what it meant to have studied Sociology, but they still tried to connect me to someone they knew or thought to very vaguely work in the field I seemed to be mentioning. The trouble is, given the phase I was in, I probably didn't show my appreciation to them. Instead, I gave them a half-smile and sulked alone about how no one got what I actually wanted to do. Fun Fact: I wasn't and neither am I still even 80% about what I want to do. So I have no idea why I was annoyed with those helping me.

A professor of mine, from my first year in BA, said that confusion was good. It meant that your mind was active and you’re thinking. I guess then, by that indicator, my brain was and is hyper-active. I met those who told me to not waste time but just go ahead and apply to PhD programs. I tried explaining that I wasn’t sure about what I wanted to study (and if I wanted to study right now) and hence, didn’t want to apply very randomly. To which they responded, it's fine, just apply. Not very helpful. Others said, why do a PhD at all? It would mean lots of research and academia. And not actual, applied work. Yet others told me to go do an M Phil. An option, in-between. I met those who told me to narrow down my options – specify where I wanted to work. Others told me I was young and had to be open-minded about the kind of work options and shouldn't be fussy. 

An example of a confusing conversation: HelpfulPerson - Which field do you want to work in, beta? Me - Oh well, I'm not too sure if I can specify that just yet. I want to explore the broader development/social sector perhaps. HelpfulPerson - Yes yes, of course. You're young. You should explore. Broad field. Many opportunities. Of course, you do know what you specifically want to explore, right? Me - I'll just go help Ma make the chai, be right back. Would you like sugar in your chai? *smooth exit* 

Some told me the job market was slow. Some told me there was more scope for 'youngsters' like me in the development sector, but adding that yes, you needed experience to apply for most jobs in the development sector. I was asked if I was adventurous enough to go to Africa and work – I was very close to saying yes. But my parents smiled and said no, find work in the homeland. Fair enough. Others asked me why I wasn't looking for work in the United States - you know, because my software engineer brother has a job there. Except it is hard enough to find a job in the country I'm a citizen in (and even the US immigration services person who checked my visa on arriving last year seemed unimpressed by Sociology)... So, that.  

In all this talking and confusion, I forgot to do something pretty darn important. I forgot to make the best of the time that I had on my hands. I complained a lot about how unfair life was. I complained about people not understanding me. None of it made any sense to me - why this was happening and how long it would last. But I basically forgot that when I had all that time on my hands, I could spend it at least a tad productively. Which meant actually reading up or knowing more about areas of my interest, maybe gain some clarity while I am at it. It took me a literal phone call to realize to some extent about how utterly useless I was behaving. [That phone call was from someone working at a big Foundation doing interesting work - I thought she wanted to chat which was cool. Coz bade bade deshon mein aise choti choti baatein and all that. By that point, I seemed to have forgotten that I only got one chance to make a first impression and that person I was talking to was in the position to potentially hire me and I should have put in more effort.] I tried to get my act together. At least a little.

There are a few valuable lessons I learnt:

No one else but you yourself are responsible to get your act together. 

Telepathy doesn't work, actual telephoning does. Trust me, I've tried relying on the former. If Uncle A spoke to Uncle B about you, you need to call both Uncles up yourself.

Make sure you find a way to get out of the house and do something.

I volunteered at a Teach for India classroom a little later than I probably should have. Sure, there was a day I got a haircut because I lost my patience in school. But other than that, it gave me purpose and I met some amazing people. 

It's hard to, but reach out to people. Don't shut yourself in your room.

I happened to visit my old campus and bumped into a professor who mentioned he needed an RA for some time. 

After a while, stop blaming everyone around you for not getting you. They probably don’t, but they’re kind of trying their best.

Also, if you're wondering if you'll someday come to miss your struggles from that period of unemployment? Aww sweetie. Don't worry, struggles are the gifts that keep giving. 

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